Well, well.
Yes, indeed, it truly has been two years since either Tia or I has posted. How terrible! This blog is such a worthy cause, after all. *eye roll*
Why come back now, you may ask? No? I shall tell you anyway.
I have two reasons to return to providing our huge fan base (of three) with sweater softcore at this time. No, one of them is not because it's winter and I am surrounded by actual men in actual sweaters.
The first one is due to a mutual friend of ours posting the most horrendous, horrible photo of a young man in knitwear on social media for us to examine. Said young man was wearing what can only be described as a...giant, brown doily. I'm not even exaggerating a little bit. Dude had on crochet pants. I want to cry just thinking about it. It so hurt my sweater-clad feelings that I needed to look at other pictures, mostly of nerds in sweater vests in order to get it out of my mind (if Men In Sweaters was like Pornhub, "Nerdbang" would be my go-to category. Or even more likely, "Older-overeducated-intellectual-with-weird-swagger-and-a-vaguely-condescending-sense-of-humor-bang). Kind of the way I need to watch cartoons after a scary movie so I can go to sleep I'm emotionally, oh, about 7 years old.
Doily man also had girl hair.
Shhh. never mind. lets not talk about it.
Actually you know what? Here:
You never will. It's futile.
But read on, it may ease the mind hurt.
The whole ordeal made me nostalgic for the days when I could perv on guys in button-downs in a public venue, with other pervs, like the 2 or 3 of you. Or at least with Tia who will maybe read this. Maybe.
The second reason for my enthusiastic return is not as traumatizing.
I recently traveled to a far away hotel and, while riding the elevator with a very good friend, I spoke aloud my keen desire to have a hot nerd in a sweater vest to bring me a fine whiskey. A perfectly reasonable and obviously awesome request, I feel, despite how rare they are these days. At the time she found my unabashed nerd-worship weird and comical...and suuuuper caucasian. Later I was able to bring her over to my side of the hot-nerd-love table, but still, for a while I had to do a lot of describing, picture-painting, and explaining about why the Hot Nerd is essentially the Great White (fucking super hot) Buffalo of men.
I did not get my whiskey, if you were wondering. <---i as="" grimacing="" i="" nbsp="" p="" that.="" was="" wrote="">
All that potent description and her subsequent support of my theory made me want to share that theory with the world.
But INSTEAD what I'm going to do is porn out with you over sweater vests, which are often a part of the Hot Nerd's wardrobe in his natural habitat (which I like to imagine is a lecture hall. I don't know. There's definitely a desk involved).
ONWARD, TO THE SLEEVELESS KNITWEAR OF SMART FANTASIES!
This is Hugh Laurie in a sweater vest playing a trombone.
BOOM.
You may die happily.
Oooh, yeah, daddy, teach me how to carry out experiments explicating aspects of wave and quantum phenomena and of solid state and nuclear physics using contemporary instrumentation!!!
Yes, this man's suit is too large. It's a Travesty.
That being said, everything else going on here makes me want to jump of a fucking bridge
(in a good way).
In fact, lets take closer look:
Now, that is the kind of argyle that says, "Tear off my argyle".
By the way, pocket squares shave approximately 40 minutes off of foreplay. Because they are foreplay.
Minus whatever the hell is happening in place of a pocket square:
TWEEEEEEEDgasm
BRACE YOURSELF:
...This is the money shot of nerd/sweater hardcore.
*passes out*
The Hot Nerd (we will imagine) pictured here has caught a chill.
Yay!
Nope, not a sweater.
Surprise! It's Joseph Gordon-Levitt hinting at how ridiculously attractive he's going to be in 15 years.
John Hamm successfully demonstrates how to be way too intelligent for you in the 50's with, dare I even say it? A sweater vest cardigan.
That's all for tonight. Next time I'll just, like, post a bunch of pictures of John Lithgow in a turtleneck or something. To balance things out (sort of), here is Colin Firth in glasses doing that weird, sexy thing guys do with their link cuffs.
(we shall always assume they are link cuffs!)
~Ché
